muttled

As some of you know and many of you don't my Nana (my Dad's mom) passed away unexpectedly this last week. I found myself on a quick flight to L.A. to attend the services. I found my self on a stage at the funeral giving the thank yous. I found myself being re-introduced to dozens of Italians that are "part of the family", somehow .I found myself sitting with my little 90 year old Bapa trying to get him to eat food and drink a little wine, as he had not had anything all day. All weekend it was like I was watching someone else go through this.

More than anything I found myself confused with my grief. So much regret mixed with sadness, and exhaustion and questions. My Nana led an impeccable life. Everything she did she did well, in the kitchen, in the garden, with her work, and her family. She set impossibly high standards on herself and those around, and we loved her for that. And now I want my life to look more like hers.

Please pray for my Bapa, I cry every time I think of him without her.