Ramblin'

I am drinking a glass of red wine...in bed....listening to Elliott Smith..at 10 o'clock at night. It doesn't get any better than that. I felt like writing. Really writing...it is hard for me to collect my thoughts these days.
What I need is a really good routine. Some of the most accomplished and effective people I know have an excellent routine. self discipline. I CRAVE this in my life so much..mostly cause I tend towards chaos. And I hate it. This brings me to the age old question: Can people really change? I sure as hell hope so because I don't know if my current state of living will get me through nursing school. I do think we can change, I think we are in a constant state of change, I guess it just depends on what we let steer our rudder...
Anyways...things I'm thinking/worrying about
1. Amber and Matt moving out of the little cabin in the mountains. Honestly, I ache.
2. Forgetting stuff in peoples lives like birthdays and other important events. i called jen alley tonight to wish her a happy birthday...her birthday isn't for another month and a day. but i worried my self into thinking it was today.
3. i worry about being a flake
4. i worry i will fail out of nursing school and become the bum that lives on all of your couches, and yes, I mean you.
5. WEIRD dreams lately about being in an exotic pet store that has one of every creature in the world (A weird Noah's Arc reference maybe?). In the dream I am wandering through each room having to fend off different animals. Eventually I spear to HUGE lizards in the head. What the hell does that mean?
6. i worry about not having time to read my classics or write or knit. I feel these things keep me sane.

That was depressing, so here is a list of things I'm excited and hopeful for
1. Learning French, moving to Africa or India and helping folks
2. Getting to visit Suzo and Joey of the Portland in August
3. All my new school supplies, I love school supplies.
4. A fresh, unopened season one of The Office just waiting to be watched.
5. Seeing Tyler Watts and Paul and Jen and Fran and many more come July.
6. Anthropologie's fall shipment that will be coming out in a few months
7. And last but most of all: nursing stuff. Really I love it.

And lastly, I wanted to document all the kick-ass novels I had time to read during my break, kind of a "R.I.P to Personal Reading". Here's a list a a few thoughts and quotes for each.

The Inferno, Dante Alighieri: The Inferno was like holding up a mirror to my face. Very insightful. "so these shades dance and crash eternally." Dante referring to war among the eternal souls in the Fourth circle of Hell. Hell never sounded so sweet as it does in Dante's poetic form.

Marie Antoinette, Antonia Fraser: An interesting historical biography that rekindled my desire to know more about historical figures and history. I guess it kind of reminded my pathetic little Gen X brain that, "Hey, lots of important stuff happened before you were born. So.. you should probably get on that." And so a quote from one of Marie Antoinette's letters to her mother, "I put on my rouge and wash my hands in front of the whole world."

Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. This was a travel essay documenting Gilbert's travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia. Good quick read. She's funny in a self deprecating and insightful way. Here, she quotes a Texan, Richard who she befriends at an Ashram in India, "He sits down across from me and drawls, 'Man, they got mosquitoes 'round this place big enough to rape a chicken.' "

Madame Bovary, Gustave Flaubert. I read this one because Steinbeck was quoted as saying he didn't "read" Madame Bovary, but rather, it "happened" to him. It was excellent. Steinbeck knows his shit. "And the gardens, like women, seem to be getting ready for the summer fetes."

Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh. So good it earned a spot on the Top 5. I can't say anything, I'll let Waugh say it, "But these young people have such an intelligent, knowledgeable surface, and then the crust suddenly breaks and you look into the depths of confusion you didn't know existed."

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte, one of the greatest heroine's in literature. Also, Bronte's ability to weave in references is genius. "An incident occurred and was gone for me; it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a monotonous life."


Snore... you're all asleep now, oh well I needed to get that out. All of it. Rosie. Out.