So, as mentioned before, I got into the ol' Nursing School. This was a painstaking feat, of which I am very proud...and then comes the anxiety attacks. I swear, my mind leaves nothing alone. The truth is: I'm REALLY nervous. The kind of nervous I imagine a player feels when they've rode the bench all season and then is put in at the end of the game and are expected to pull off the winning shot or swing or touchdown...whatever, you get the point. Finally, the realization of all your hopes and dreams, the opportunity you've worked so hard for, coming to actualization...and then falling flat on your face. Basically, what I'm trying to say is I'm psyching myself out. So much so that the worry has seeped into my self conscience and is appearing in my dreams. In my dreams the dreaded, "showing up for the first day naked", thing has occurred, along with the "killing my first patient" thing. Both, not ok. So then, my analytical mind takes it a step further with the thought, "well if these are your thoughts, you are only setting yourself up to actualize the failure you are imagining." Great. I'm Doomed. Why the hell did they make me take psychology courses? I'd rather not know about all the "power of positive thinking" bullshit, it only messes with my head even more. I'm a worrier by nature, surely this is what I will die of.
R.I.P. Rosanna Piacentni: "She worried herself to the grave"
2 comments:
Rosie, please. I'm not sure if you realize this, but you are one of the smartest people I know, maybe the smartest. And its not just that annoying smart either, oh no, yours is coupled with insight, wisdom, grace, you know. Really, you failing at school is, in my book, one of the least likely things to happen.
Maybe once you get into it your doubts will lessen.
you slay me.
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