every morning, when i get into the office i take 5 minutes to "situate" my existence there. I clean off my desk, put the radio on, get my coffee in it's appropriate place, and then check a few things online. Check my hotmail. Check my blog. Check the stupid Space, and then I wonder over the amtrak.com and expedia. My heart literally speeds up when I see $53- to denver or $99- to Detroit, or $149- Railpass for the Northwest...and on and on. It should also be noted I ALWAYS look at the "One Way" prices. It's a compulsion, I HAVE to check this everyday...well I was doing it the other morning and one of the girls in my office asked, "Are you going on a trip?" To which I replied, "No, just checking." The compulsion was brought to my attention. So I asked myself, "Self, why do you do this? You have a very steady great job here, you are a month into 15 units of school, you paid for a gym membership, the guys at the coffee shop you go to know your drink now(and often give it to you for free), you found a good record store with cheap vinyl, you've found a church." All this to say life is really shapin' up for me here. I'm "settled" so to speak...at least for the next few years, I imagine. So why does it calm my senses to know, if I needed to, I could fly into Milwaukee for $118?
I'll tell you why... Because old habits die hard. This last week was stressful. 3 exams, problems in the office, and I am recently settling into an achey heart provided by a gentlemen (and I use that term loosely). So I caught myself thinking about throwing a backpack together, pulling all my cash from the ATM, and starting somewhere else. Literally, these were my daydreams. Either that, or just going home and living on Matt and Amber's futon. Why am I such a runner? Why do I think leaving will make everything better? I skip states thinking my spiritual depravity will not follow me or that I can outrun my broken heart. Silly Rosie. Stupid little asshole habits.
5 comments:
why dont you skip town and come to ventura. i dont have a futon but i do have a couch. i could learn your coffee of choice and make it for you every morning. i havent met any really hot guys except one that is gay but man is he hot.(i cant forget josh but he is taken.) we miss your rose.
i say hang on to those things rose. your never too "old" or too "settled". one of these days we really will all just up and fly to alabama, or somewhere.
can't wait to see you!
and the futon will always be yours.
matt
stay. take vacations. that's what the grownups are doing these days.
but who wants to be a grownup? go! clean out the account and go! fly little bird!
no, no, stay. stay is better. because...that's what JWD. yeah. that's it.
obviously, i have similar impulses.
from one vagabond to another.....jump ship.
i mean no...stay and settle
what the hell and I saying....go, travel, live off nothing, meet new people.
wait I mean ...
no I dont mean anything but run....and keep running
(***dont listen to me-I am fighting my own little assholes***)
its not just you rosie, except most of us sit on our asses and fantasize instead of really looking. but life sounds good for you, you dont live in your hometown and work for your parents. thats funny because i'm on expedia everyday too, but thats to do stupid work.
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