"I saw at once that the bird was flying into the cage of herself."

I just finished Crime and Punishment. And then tore about online looking for reviews and criticisms written about the novel and characters. Not to mention the 2 or 3 calls my brother has received in the last week, from me, ranting many frustrating questions. Needless to say, it is one of the best novels ever written. I loved it, and yet was so entirely frustrated with it that I almost threw it down a few times. I was frustrated in things that it evoked inside of me. I saw something very true about myself as I read: I am a "meaning junkie". I have a hard time allowing humanity to just be. I want it to make sense, I want the grand redemption in every anti-hero. Do not mistake what I am saying, I more than realize the depravity of it all, I just want to know that God and truth is always bigger. My mind wanders constantly in these thoughts and I forsake every reality for these thoughts. I guess that is what is called a dreamer. I guess this is why I don't get a whole lot done, because my head is always in the clouds.